Monday, May 14, 2018

Omg I realized I only post every two years since 2014 so I guess my major slumps happen every two years? haha A lot has happened in between this post and my last and I don't really know where to start. Let's just say, I've experienced great difficulty a few months after my last post.

Since my work was the first thing I mentioned in my last post, I guess I'll start with that. I stopped working in the BG department at around April 2017, five months after being promoted to a supervisor/ checker. The stress and the long work hours took a huge toll on me until I couldn't bear it. But, to be honest, even after I've left, the second half of 2017 wasn't very bright either. It took me months before I decided to apply for work again in a different studio. I took the opportunity but red flags started to show up and the pay wasn't enough to fulfill my basic needs so it didn't end so well either. I'm currently rigging in a different studio and I'm still struggling financially. I'm having thoughts of giving up working for animation studios because financial stability is currently my priority and I can't seem to attain it. I was so close but the stress and pressure was too much for me to handle. It's just now that I've realized that working in an animation studio feels more like a luxury than a job that pays. Sure I can stick around, pledge my loyalty again to another studio and just wait for better days, but unfortunately, I couldn't afford waiting anymore.

I've been doodling a lot tho. I think I've doodled over 200 pieces in 2017 alone. I've been posting them on instagram and so far, I'm more active there than in my other online galleries. Uploading from mobile is just so convenient. I could just snap a photo, edit the brightness and stuff then upload. For digital pieces, I'd just send the PNG from the PC to my phone via bluetooth. Sometimes, sending via bluetooth is even faster than opening a browser. I should really include a link to my igram on my links bar. Haha and yeah. Unfortunately, in the two year span between this post and the last, I don't remember actively and consciously study the fundamentals. I may have done some daily figure drawing for a month somewhere in between but I didn't really continue. Yeah I must get back to it soon. I've decided I shouldn't stress about it too much though.

Times have been bleak and I can't hope for anything better to come, I still have friends to help me cope (and to play D&D with so I guess life isn't so bad). 

Monday, August 15, 2016

So, it's been two years since I first worked as a backgrounds colorist and I'm doing ok at work. Can't really say great, but ok. xD It's a dream to be getting paid to color things~

Probelm is, I would doodle less. It's been quite some time since I last drew something seriously or since I held the pencil to learn the fundamentals. During my free time, I'd rest. I would doodle on my sketchpad sometimes but they're all aimless scribbles and I would doodle the same things over and over again, with little to no improvement. I don't have the time to sit down and learn something new and just thinking about it tires me. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and the thirst to improve is just... gone? Well, the thirst is there but I don't think my body can keep up. Also, my number one priority lately is to earn. So I guess I can count that as a factor.

Why is this bothering me thought? I thought that it is important for me to learn the fundamentals if I am pursuing a career in the arts since I just let go of my dream to be a litigator. I chose this so I need to build my skills.
(Also, I really hate how my drawings look like right now and sometimes I feel like people praise me for my work as a pat on the back saying "good job for trying. points for effort" and that they don't genuinely like my stuff.. but that's just me. I hope.). I didn't really bother to study the fundamentals seriously when I was younger because I didn't  expect I'd land a job as an artist. It's always been a "highly discouraged career path" in our country, that's why I would say pursuing this kind of career is a hit or miss thing. You either capture an audience that will like your stuff, or you don't. And I think that's where the success of an artist is gauged. What is an artist without people who appreciate and who eventually purchase their art?

But then, I see many artists who start out at a later age. Age shouldn't really stop me from learning.

I'm really at this point where I'm not happy with my drawings anymore. Although I post some quick doodles on facebook and sometimes on twitter, I want to do more. I want to learn how to illustrate. I want to make stunning illustrations or covers for novels or books. I want to see my art in products. I want people to pay me for drawing sexy and kinky cartoony girls. I want to feel appreciated for my art, and that I'm not wasting my time.

Maybe when it's less hectic at work, I will really sit down and study.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Warm up doodles at work~

YEEEEP I'm working~ as a background painter/artist at an animation company!
These are warmup doodles during break time.
o w o

I can't post anything about the projects we're currently doing 'cause we're under a non-disclosure agreement with the company and the shows... yah know.. all those legal stuff (btw I quit lawschool = A = I'm currently enjoying my work tho. I'll go back and study again some other time... IF I find the heart to continue where I left off).

SO THERE WE GO~ doodles!

OH and I've been watching New Girl lately o A o YES I'M WATCHING IT JUST NOW gdi I'm so behind. haha It's pretty nice and funny o v o

ok that's it for now


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

An Old and Unfinished Painting

Started sometime in 2011. Still remains unfinished and I'll never get it done. :(
Acrylic on canvas.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Visual Rants

"If only they could speak for themselves. But they can't so we'll have to do it for them."


I swear they looked better in my head. Haha. These were in my head since breakfast and I had to wait 'till I'm at home and about to sleep before I could put 'em on paper. It frustrates me how little I can do for our planet. And my inability to clearly explain my frustrations, frustrates me even more. Haha.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Carpe Diem

'Cause I don't want to give a fuck anymore.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Some of my latest sketches and doodles and a pretty long... err.. whine

Yep! I'm sketching again! :D not as regular as before but much frequent than when I started studying law. I kind of stopped 'cause I thought it's not helping me with my studies. It even distracts me sometimes. But still, dropping it and ignoring my itch to draw didn't help me either. I'll get to that later.

A LOT has happened. 2013 wasn't exactly a great year for me academically and socially. Weeeell...we win some, we lose some xD 

Academically: Unfortunately, I got kicked out of law school (bad grades) and I'm currently taking it up in another school. Still law. Same books, same laws, different place/ environment. I was accepted but under the condition that I must reach a certain grade which is higher than the usual average. Now, I'm just letting the winds of fate take me.
My drive and want to be an attorney is strong. I know it. But the grip I have to my reasons isn't. I keep on forgetting them and mostly are idealistic.
Like i said earlier, I thought ignorning my itch to doodle will help me concentrate and eventually, lessen the pains of lawschool but, my exam scores didn't get any higher. Guess I'm not intelligent enough for law school. Oh and personality-wise, I can't fit-in. Haha.
I just took my first midterm exams in my new school last week. I hope I did better than how I faired in my previous school.

Socially: Lost a couple of buddies (my fault). It's tough being a girl. Haha.

Sometimes, I'm tempted to leave everything behind, start anew but alone. Meet new people, get to know a new place. I'm just entirely confused right now. Confused, concieted, selfish and overwhelmed. Since graduating from college, I feel so lost. Hm... yeah. I guess that sums it all up. I'm lost. :(

I still don't know what to do with my life.