no doodle but

 i'm just really, really sad today.

I'm dreaming again

 

I doodled a dream house.

When I was younger, I decided I'd only live up to the age of 27. I couldn't even imagine what life would be like after grad back then. I thought, I'll just give me 7 extra years after grad to enjoy life, do whatever the hell comes my way. No dreams for myself and my family, raising a family of my own was out. Sure, I chased a goal to be a litigator sometime in 2012 but I crashed and burned in law school hahaha. I'm never going back.

I'm turning 33 this year. My favorite number. I'm finally working on things I've always wanted to do years ago that I just couldn't cause I either don't have the funds or I'd rather spend the whole day playing. I tabled at a con last weekend and it was the most fun experience I've had in forever. Everyone was just celebrating each-other's art! I went as a solo artist but I never felt lonely cause my seatmates and tablemates were so warm. We enjoyed each other's company. I'm just so happy, I'm starting to dream again. I actually and finally want to build a career with my art. It's not just a hobby anymore for me. I'm so elated, I don't give a fuck about AI art. Or at least I'm not as worried as I should be cause I'm happy.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still neurotic. There's always a thought behind my head that this happy high I'm feeling is temporary and I *might* crash and burn again later in my life. But I'm stuffing that behind a closet for now. Let me enjoy this while it lasts. It's a rare feeling.

Melancholy

 

Cried for no reason yesterday so I tried to express how I felt and this was the result. Not sure if the animation makes sense but it helped me calm down. Glad I was able to channel my emotions again this time. 😃

Yay :D

A little happy entry for today. :)

Feels weird I'm working for an anim studio without any visual arts degree so I'm trying to catch up by enrolling in workshops. I got lucky and got a 100% scholarship for a two month animation course. :D Workshops like it are usually expensive so I'm so glad I didn't have to shell out for an education this time. ;u; And it's online too so I work right after.. a long nap xD

Online classes are weird. Last Saturday was supposed to be our last day but it kinda felt empty without any culminating activity or small gathering to celebrate it so I made a thing to channel my emotions haha. (I think I finally know how to)

 

Anyway, here are some of my faves from the activies we had

And this was my submission for our finals haha crunching a 15 second thing from boards to anim in a month was quite exhausting. Would have been more chill if I didn't have work but gosh I couldn't believe I made this. uhuhu

I also like the roughs for this :) I really really like the appeal of sketchy, wip line work.

Maybe I'll push to post doodly animation here after all.

*BREATHES*

Oh my god.
Hello.
It's been 4 years! I completely forgot about this blog. Then I remember my initial purpose for this page was a dump for daily animations. 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 I can't even draw daily, what more animate something everyday??! HAHA. But, I've been trying to learn how to animate when the mood kicks in and here are some stuff made this year.

this bouncy ball was a warm up before I came up with this girly doodle

14 year old me would have been so proud even if it's just a simple thingy haha

Oh this one was done around October last year. I tried to study how timing charts work in this exercise haha

My hair tends to frizz when I'm really stressed and I was super frustrated one day, I had to draw something to vent.

This one's more like an animatic? I made an OC and I really had to draw this to get it off my head. Obviously it's based on Ranni. I really loved that bby.

❀

Anyway, life update~ I'm alive, still! Though. I'm not sure I can say I'm doing so much better. I mean, I'm working with the most brilliant and awesome people in the industry, heck, might be the studio of my dreams, yet I'm still very neurotic. But at least I learned to be more aware of my mental state now. I know when I'm tired so I know I have to rest. Problem is, there's this certain tiredness that kicks in that not even the weekend or a vacation could fix. I admit, I'm just running on auto pilot recently and I really REALLY hate it. I can't think properly. My decisions are so poor and my brain's so slow. But then again, my workmates are so supportive. We just nervously laugh things off when things go wrong. Then I rant at my not-so-anon twt acct. Then delete when I'm calmer. I have friends to vent to but I'm pretty scared I'm just causing them more distress. Despite all that, I also learned to forgive myself when I make some mistakes but it still makes me cry and feel nervous every time. I just try not to beat myself up too hard. Hehe I have the guts to say this all cause this blog is pretty much dead. I do keep a journal but like, it kinda feels more comforting to shout this out at a not-so-voidy-void.

ALSO, HECK IT MAKES ME SAD THE FLASH DOLL I KEEP AT THE SIDE OF THIS BLOG IS GONE NOW. Q ___ Q I don't even remember its name, I can't google to look for it. huhu rip flash. Ok that reminds me, I wonder if the flash dress-up dolls on devvyart is still alive?

AW NO. IT'S DEAD AS WELL!!!! TT___________TT It's just an image now. :( I don't have a copy of the raw file anymore. Damn I should have downloaded before flash died. :)) haha oh well. Good night, my sweet digital dolls. xD

Ok I guess that's it for today. I do hope you guys are doing well. If not, hope you can chase good times!

Omg I realized I only post every two years since 2014 so I guess my major slumps happen every two years? haha A lot has happened in between this post and my last and I don't really know where to start. Let's just say, I've experienced great difficulty a few months after my last post.

Since my work was the first thing I mentioned in my last post, I guess I'll start with that. I stopped working in the BG department at around April 2017, five months after being promoted to a supervisor/ checker. The stress and the long work hours took a huge toll on me until I couldn't bear it. But, to be honest, even after I've left, the second half of 2017 wasn't very bright either. It took me months before I decided to apply for work again in a different studio. I took the opportunity but red flags started to show up and the pay wasn't enough to fulfill my basic needs so it didn't end so well either. I'm currently rigging in a different studio and I'm still struggling financially. I'm having thoughts of giving up working for animation studios because financial stability is currently my priority and I can't seem to attain it. I was so close but the stress and pressure was too much for me to handle. It's just now that I've realized that working in an animation studio feels more like a luxury than a job that pays. Sure I can stick around, pledge my loyalty again to another studio and just wait for better days, but unfortunately, I couldn't afford waiting anymore.

I've been doodling a lot tho. I think I've doodled over 200 pieces in 2017 alone. I've been posting them on instagram and so far, I'm more active there than in my other online galleries. Uploading from mobile is just so convenient. I could just snap a photo, edit the brightness and stuff then upload. For digital pieces, I'd just send the PNG from the PC to my phone via bluetooth. Sometimes, sending via bluetooth is even faster than opening a browser. I should really include a link to my igram on my links bar. Haha and yeah. Unfortunately, in the two year span between this post and the last, I don't remember actively and consciously study the fundamentals. I may have done some daily figure drawing for a month somewhere in between but I didn't really continue. Yeah I must get back to it soon. I've decided I shouldn't stress about it too much though.

Times have been bleak and I can't hope for anything better to come, I still have friends to help me cope (and to play D&D with so I guess life isn't so bad). 

So, it's been two years since I first worked as a backgrounds colorist and I'm doing ok at work. Can't really say great, but ok. xD It's a dream to be getting paid to color things~

Probelm is, I would doodle less. It's been quite some time since I last drew something seriously or since I held the pencil to learn the fundamentals. During my free time, I'd rest. I would doodle on my sketchpad sometimes but they're all aimless scribbles and I would doodle the same things over and over again, with little to no improvement. I don't have the time to sit down and learn something new and just thinking about it tires me. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and the thirst to improve is just... gone? Well, the thirst is there but I don't think my body can keep up. Also, my number one priority lately is to earn. So I guess I can count that as a factor.

Why is this bothering me thought? I thought that it is important for me to learn the fundamentals if I am pursuing a career in the arts since I just let go of my dream to be a litigator. I chose this so I need to build my skills.

(Also, I really hate how my drawings look like right now and sometimes I feel like people praise me for my work as a pat on the back saying "good job for trying. points for effort" and that they don't genuinely like my stuff.. but that's just me. I hope.). I didn't really bother to study the fundamentals seriously when I was younger because I didn't  expect I'd land a job as an artist. It's always been a "highly discouraged career path" in our country, that's why I would say pursuing this kind of career is a hit or miss thing. You either capture an audience that will like your stuff, or you don't. And I think that's where the success of an artist is gauged. What is an artist without people who appreciate and who eventually purchase their art?

But then, I see many artists who start out at a later age. Age shouldn't really stop me from learning.

I'm really at this point where I'm not happy with my drawings anymore. Although I post some quick doodles on facebook and sometimes on twitter, I want to do more. I want to learn how to illustrate. I want to make stunning illustrations or covers for novels or books. I want to see my art in products. I want people to pay me for drawing sexy and kinky cartoony girls. I want to feel appreciated for my art, and that I'm not wasting my time.

Maybe when it's less hectic at work, I will really sit down and study.