Monday, August 15, 2016

So, it's been two years since I first worked as a backgrounds colorist and I'm doing ok at work. Can't really say great, but ok. xD It's a dream to be getting paid to color things~

Probelm is, I would doodle less. It's been quite some time since I last drew something seriously or since I held the pencil to learn the fundamentals. During my free time, I'd rest. I would doodle on my sketchpad sometimes but they're all aimless scribbles and I would doodle the same things over and over again, with little to no improvement. I don't have the time to sit down and learn something new and just thinking about it tires me. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and the thirst to improve is just... gone? Well, the thirst is there but I don't think my body can keep up. Also, my number one priority lately is to earn. So I guess I can count that as a factor.

Why is this bothering me thought? I thought that it is important for me to learn the fundamentals if I am pursuing a career in the arts since I just let go of my dream to be a litigator. I chose this so I need to build my skills.
(Also, I really hate how my drawings look like right now and sometimes I feel like people praise me for my work as a pat on the back saying "good job for trying. points for effort" and that they don't genuinely like my stuff.. but that's just me. I hope.). I didn't really bother to study the fundamentals seriously when I was younger because I didn't  expect I'd land a job as an artist. It's always been a "highly discouraged career path" in our country, that's why I would say pursuing this kind of career is a hit or miss thing. You either capture an audience that will like your stuff, or you don't. And I think that's where the success of an artist is gauged. What is an artist without people who appreciate and who eventually purchase their art?

But then, I see many artists who start out at a later age. Age shouldn't really stop me from learning.

I'm really at this point where I'm not happy with my drawings anymore. Although I post some quick doodles on facebook and sometimes on twitter, I want to do more. I want to learn how to illustrate. I want to make stunning illustrations or covers for novels or books. I want to see my art in products. I want people to pay me for drawing sexy and kinky cartoony girls. I want to feel appreciated for my art, and that I'm not wasting my time.

Maybe when it's less hectic at work, I will really sit down and study.

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